- A spot amongst all other graduates or…
- A ticket for the audience at graduation
- lots of ants
- Robe, cap and all other paraphernalia (for graduate candidate)
Take a drink whenever a speaker uses the words:
- bright future
- budgeting time
- debt (see also below)
- finally / at last
- fond memories
- hard work
- interest, -ing
- late nights/all-nighters
- love of learning
Take three drinks when someone quotes:
- Lydia Moss Bradley
- Martin A. "Party Marty" Abegg
- Any other former president of the university
- Any of our country's Founding Fathers
- A current rock hit
Slam one whenever a speaker:
- Mentions the "great debt we/you owe our/your parents."
- Makes a cute remark about the length of time it takes to graduate nowadays (eg., "your six or seven years here"), (slam and a half if that person has been out of college for more than two years)
- Makes a cute remark about how hard it is to find a job right now (slam and a half if that person gets paid simply to be important).
- Makes a serious remark about how hard it is to find a job right now.
- Mentions how many National Merit Scholars there are in this graduating class.
- Mentions any of the different surveys that rank colleges and universities.
- Implies that college in general, and your institution in particular, is still affordable.
Slam two whenever a speaker:
- Implicitly or explicitly implies that the number of National Merit Scholars in this class is a measure of the quality of education this class received at your institution.
- Whenever a speaker makes a comment that is completely meaningless and obviously intended only to draw laughs, drink until the laughter dies out.
- Whenever a graduate's friends and relatives are tacky enough to cheer/yell/etc. When their name is read, drink until they stop.
- Drink until you lose it whenever a speaker quotes the Grateful Dead.
When in doubt, drink.